my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
