he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
