oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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