Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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