smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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