In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
