if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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