Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
