oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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