you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
