so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
