Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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