Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize