tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
