lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
