I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
