Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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