We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dear god my vagina.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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