So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
