You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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