WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
