You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
