Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
