in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
