I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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