That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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