He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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