My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
