found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
