Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize