she was so not down for the gang bang
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
