One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
