you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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