I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The best revenge is premature balding
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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