I met the friendliest cop last night
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
