But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
