Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
