is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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