I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
