We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
