need another drink. this is the easiest way
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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