i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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