U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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