I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
