it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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