their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
