When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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