my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
