She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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