____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
