My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
