Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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