Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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