and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
