Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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