The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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