At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
