Tell her she can't have a vagina
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize