It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
