The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
