I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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