Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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