I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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