His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
