You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
