I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
