Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
