I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
