Your face is a jimmy john
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
