Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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