Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
