Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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