How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
