His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
