so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
