Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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