I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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