I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
