I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
