Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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