I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
