in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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