I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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