sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
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But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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