Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
