I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
