Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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