Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
